Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Hi, I'm supposed to be studying but here I am updating my blog after a long time. Well, life has been fair and square lately. I broke up with him again but this time I think it is for real. I was browsing through my pictures in laptop and my intention was to delete his pictures.. I finally gain the guts upon opening those files because I was scared, my hands went trembling whenever I tried to click it before this.. To be honest, I couldn't cope well with this intense emotions and I can't stand my heart pumping so fast and I felt my veins couldn't bare it any longer bcus my blood rushed too fast.
First, I just promised myself on viewing it for the last time but I stumbled... I stumbled looking for his picture, I can feel my hands I can still feel the sensations on touching him. Why does those feelings is so hard to fade away?
Tried to cope and tackle my sadness by partying all night long, going out often, I didn't sit at home because home reminded me of him. But all I did was only to bring my mind closer to yhim and shit got real when I turned sober. My assignments gone bad, my school was dropping and I cried everyday. Well at least, I feel okay now.
It turned out that I've heard the news that he got someone new. It was so hard to believe and so hard to come by because I was healing myself and then boom! another shocked news. I puked I vomited right away, it's like there was someone holding my throat and it got tight every second. I can't stand well, I walked like a crooked man. I ran to Vero, she was the one who consoled me. I didn't cry. Of course not in front of her but once I went back, the shit got real. I felt my chest tighten. I had asthma attack. After a long fucking time and my asthma returned.
You were my world, even when you hurt me a lot of times I still spoke it out proudly that "he is my baby!". You were the one and only..
Well, he heard rumours on me having a new boyfriend. Well that mustn't be the excuse for him right? I don't have anyone and I would like to stay that way. I want to find myself, I want to have all those sensations back. Besides, I have never truly feel on being single. I choose to be single. I choose to have you in my head and to forget you slowly naturally not by having someone new into my life...
Whatever it is, I do hope he's being good. I don't bare grudges to him neither to that girl. You guys will have my prayers. TBH, your name still included in my prayers. Be safe, be bold and be courageous dear Ex. Thank you for having me wasted your time for all these time. Thank you for our 5 years of relationship. Good or bad, you were one of those people who had uplifted me and shaped me. What I am today is also your efforts yesterday. Thanks.